The Reciprocity Deficit
By Melissa Camilleri, CoFounder of The Prosper Network
An Excerpt from “How We Prosper: The Shifting Paradigm For Women Who Know There’s a Better Way to Do Business and Change the World
There’s a kind of success we’ve all been taught to chase.
It’s loud, linear, and looks flawless on LinkedIn. It thrives on 80-hour weeks, accolades, hustle-culture mantras, and crushing Q2 revenue targets no matter what it costs you. It celebrates the individual achiever—the “boss babe,” the corporate climber, the one-woman show.
And it’s killing our creativity, our relationships—and our belief that business can be something more. Something that can change your little corner of the world for the better.
At the time of this writing, we’re witnessing the final gasps of that extractive, patriarchal model. Its loudest voices still dominate the feed, but women everywhere are awakening to the truth: the old rules weren’t designed for us—and they certainly weren’t designed for us to thrive together.
The Myth of the Lone Genius
For decades, the “self-made” narrative has been our North Star. We’re told that asking for help is weakness, that collaboration dilutes our brand, that if we were truly exceptional we’d never need a hand. In reality, this myth isolates us.
According to Startup Stash, Research shows that 23 percent of entrepreneurs say they often feel burned out, with 30 percent constantly stressed—yet only 9 percent seek professional help for mental health issues, viewing vulnerability as a liability. This “lone warrior” ethos comes at a steep human cost.
Worse, women’s networks are still smaller and weaker than men’s. LinkedIn data reveals men are 12 times more likely to have a “strong” network (500+ connections) than women, and men hold roughly 46 percent more total connections overall. In a world where opportunities flow to those with the biggest circles, this disparity becomes a systemic barrier to greater success.
Social Conditioning: Hoarders vs. Sharers
From childhood, many western women internalize the idea that resources are finite—and that to succeed, we must guard them fiercely. But behavioral science shows scarcity thinking itself damages performance.
In business, this scarcity mindset fuels defensive hoarding: contacts locked away, referrals withheld, knowledge siloed. Yet an HBR study on “givers” versus “takers” shows that people who share their expertise and connections without immediate expectation of return build social capital that compounds over time—outperforming takers in the long run.
The Final Remnants of a Patriarchal Model
Every day we see vestiges of the old paradigm: the highest-paid keynote speakers still skew male; board rooms remain sparsely female; LinkedIn algorithms privilege the already privileged. We’re tired of the loudest voices winning by volume rather than value.
Even campaigns tagged #CollaborationOverCompetition can ring hollow when the underlying structures haven’t changed—just the branding. Many of us have sat through pastel-hued conferences promising sisterhood, only to find the same zero-sum dynamics wearing lipstick. And frankly, it’s gross.
When Business Becomes a Mirror
Business isn’t just what we do—it’s who we are. Our leadership style and relationship building reflects our values. That’s why “transactional networking” creates brittle ties and leaves a bitter taste that gives networking a bad name.
We’ve all been in Facebook groups that start ok, but then devolve into pitch-fests. No one feels heard or known or seen and it all becomes weird. Not a fun place to be. When we lead from fear, scarcity, or comparison, it shows.
When we lead from generosity, trust, and alignment, it transforms everything. We kept hearing from long-time trusted business colleagues that they were growing weary too of what has amounted to a version of the “good ole boys’ club” in the online world, as well– that you’re only given time time of day if you are perceived to have a list topping 10K or are loudly boasting over 7 figures and hundreds of thousands of IG followers.
A Massive Reciprocity Deficit
We’ve coined a term for our current landscape: the reciprocity deficit. Too many networks are extractive by design—an endless cycle of take, take, take. And it’s left even the highest-minded among us wary of forging new ties because it often ends up a gigantic waste of time. Trust among us is at an all-time low, maybe the lowest its been in our lifetimes. And so it’s no wonder we react by hoarding resources as an act of self-preservation. We know how it feels—being ghosted after a generous introduction, passed over for a speaking slot, denied credit for our work—so we set out to build something radically different inside the Prosper Network. When something breaks your heart enough, you must do something about it.
The Rise of a Regenerative Model
As Co-Founder and proud member of The Prosper Network, I’ve observed women utterly reframing their approach to relationship-first businesses. They enter every conversation with an open heart and mind– with curiosity and compassion and interest. As we say to one another “you never know who someone knows!” There’s an expectation that members WANT to help one another out, that we are always seeking connection and a way to open the door for our Prosper sisters
Our members know that cold DMs and algorithm hacks aren’t the way to build a long-lasting referral network that has your back, not just in business, but in life too. It leads to thoughtful and generous introductions; from solo slogging to collaboration, and creative ways to pool resources and grow visibility together with values- aligned colleagues.
Here’s how we demonstrate our values in action each day inside The Prosper Network:
Generous revenue-share for every member, so growth is everyone’s gain.
Warm introductions to decision-makers who move missions forward.
Visibility platforms, from summits to social features, where our members shine alongside global thought leaders.
Teaching and learning exchanges, so members both lead and receive expertise.
Scholarship slots—for every annual membership, one under-resourced woman is invited in.
Weekly speed-networking, designed for connection, quick mutual wins, timely follow-up, and mutual expansion.
A New Story of Success
The old way of doing business says success was a solo climb up a narrow ladder or only open to a few cronies and nepo babies.. The new story is a ripple—a wide, concentric circle that expands outward, lifting all our businesses end up affecting. Win-win-win at every turn.
As power and resources are being consolidated by just a few, we need all hands on deck to turn the tide. But it actually takes quite a bit of unlearning.
How we prosper together begins here: in reclaiming trust, modeling generosity, and choosing a path of regeneration over extraction.
To learn more about what’s happening inside the Prosper Network, visit www.theprospernetwork.org.
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Melissa Camilleri is the Co-Founder of Stand for the AND Education Co and The Prosper Network, a global women’s business network she started with her partners Angela Greaser and Sheri Salata, former Executive Producer of the Oprah Winfrey Show.
She is a “forever teacher” and believes that communities have more strength and power than they can imagine when we approach our interactions with a “give-give-get” mentality, knowing with full trust that the generosity we pour into the world will circle back to us in equal or greater measure. She believes in the laws of reciprocity. She is a mom to 3, a wife to one, and lives in Sacramento, California.
Melissa Camilleri is the Co-Founder of Stand for the AND Education Co and The Prosper Network
Connect with Melissa at:
standfortheand.com | theprospernetwork.org
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